Behavior Report 25

Dearest Love,

Earl slept the entire day and throughout the night giving me a lot of time to think. Most of my thoughts were about you and Junior and hope for the end of everything. To pass the time, I found unique ways to keep the fire going, napped, and read parts of the book Russell carried. I lost myself, at times, staring into the fire. I prefer to watch the embers forever. Flames get all the attention, but it’s the embers that do all the work. I find them more exquisite than diamonds, for embers possess a transient beauty. Their time on earth is but a moment, built upon whatever fuel they are tasked to consume. They burn so bright, yet do not know that they are the finality of fire. Once they finish their task, they go out.

That time should be enjoyed, cherished.

I hope that my time with you and Junior is not yet finished. The flame still burns bright in my heart, but the distance and the circumstance lead me to believe that my time is …

Earl awoke near dusk and sat up straight like a plant that recently had been watered. His posture reminded me of the old Earl, strong, stoic, and stable. 

“How’re you feeling?” I said.

“Good.” He stretched. “Hungry.”

“I’ve still got breakfast or supper rations.”

“I’ll take anything. I can eat the bark off a tree.”

While I started to cook some canned ham, Earl took my canteen, still filled with water from the underground river, and drank. The water hit him like a kick from a mule. When the food was ready, we ate together and stared at the fire.

“What do the letters say?” Earl said in hesitant and quiet voice. “From the boys.” 

“Each one is different.”

He mumbled something like, “I suppose.”

“Yet they’re all the same.”

That got his attention. “How so?”

“The structure’s the same. There’s a “Dear somebody” and it ends with “love me.” Each describes what life is like in the services compared to home and then each has a promise.”

“Oh,” he said. “You mean by how they wrote the letter.”

 “You can tell who wrote the letter without seeing the signature.”

“What did they all promise?”

“All sorts of things. Easy things. Hard things. Things that I don’t even know how to fulfill.”

The fire crackled quietly as silence gathered between us.

“Do you mind if …” he started to say and then paused, “Do you mind if I read the letters?”

“Of course not.”

I dug through my pack to find each letter. Earl took to building the fire to gin up some reading light. When we both finished our respective tasks, I handed him each letter, one by one, to give him time to read it before getting the next. Whenever the flames lowered, I picked off more bark and fed the fire. Earl took his time reading. I heard a few sniffles and saw him rub his eyes. From time to time he said, “Dear Lord” or “Poor kid.” There were a few laughs, mostly muted, but laughs.

I gave him Lieutenant Talbott’s letter last because it was different from the others – the promise came from his father.

“Wow.” Earl said. “Everyone took it seriously … I … I’m surprised. I never thought that Quint would have written one. And Al’s, for not being much of a thinker, his letter impressed me the most.” He thought for a moment and then continued. “Some are going to be impossible to figure out how we fulfill them. An engagement? I get the promise but I’m not sure how we can do anything.”

“We can look for a ring or something to express his devotion.”

“How are we going to take care of Lafe and his tin of soil from der Kraut land?”

“I was on my way to Germany,” I said, halfheartedly.

“Germany.” He laughed but stopped when he realized that I was serious. “Boy, Frank, I’m not sure about that. Seems like a pretty popular place right now. I’m certain that we’d run into some trouble.”

“What if we sneak in.”

“Sneak in …” He chuckled. After looking at me, he said, “Sneak in? You’re serious?”

“Yes. We aren’t going to try to finish off Hitler or fight any of his soldiers. We’re just going to sneak in, grab a little dirt, and sneak out.”

“I hate to break it to you, but the Allies have been attempting to do this now for several years and they’ve been having a heck of a time.”

“Yes, but we’re only two men and it would be a lot easier—”

“Easier?” He interrupted. “I don’t know if you’ve been paying attention lately, but you and I are having a hard enough time in this one forest and that’s without any Krauts trying to kill us. How do you expect to make it all the way to Germany?”

“I’m not sure that going back to the shore and meeting up with the division is the best idea. The moment we go back, we will be pulled into debriefings. You’ll likely be taken to a hospital. I’ll be detained for going AWOL. Then nothing is done for our friends.

“And, if we’re lucky, we’ll wait out a reassignment and join up with another platoon. That could take days or even likelier, weeks. And who knows where we’ll go with them. We’ll be stuck without any way to work together or fulfill anything. We’ll be pulled apart. How can we stick together?”

He nodded in agreement.

“Our only successful approach is to set a path toward Germany and work on fulfilling the promises along the way.” I said.

“This is desertion.”

My throat went dry.

“This is an offense punishable by death,” He continued.

I longed for a witty or thoughtful reply.

“Are you ready to take on that responsibility?” Earl said.

I tried to look into his eyes to gauge if he was serious or seriously joking. Our fire had died down a bit, leaving us in more darkness than light.

“Well, Frank?”

I knew the answer but saying it out loud was hard. I was prepared to face the punishment, what country would be willing to execute one of its own when that soldier was doing his last duty to his squad? How could that country overlook that soldier’s dedication to fulfilling the promises for the loved ones left behind?

If someone were to come up to me on the ship as we were sailing over here and tell me that I would soon find myself alone in the middle of France, I would have laughed at them. If they would have said the same thing and then add that I would purposefully want to continue to Germany alone, I would have thought that they were nuts.

I sat up and said, “Yes. I must continue to fulfill the promises of those who served with me. It’s partially out of duty, but more importantly, each man was a friend for the most part, and I would want each to do the same for me. I would expect that they would do something for me so that my wife and son could have one last memory of me.”

“Did you prepare that line?” Earl said. “Whew.”

“They don’t know we’re alive. They’ll find what remains of our squad when the division scouts the village after a week or so of no reports from us. What do you think they’ll assume when you and I are missing? That we were taken prisoner? That we were killed?” I stopped, but one last thought entered the avalanche. “Would they even care?” I felt bad as soon as the words left my mouth and attempted to recover. “With so many soldiers running around France and Africa and God knows where in the Pacific, how could the service possibly be concerned about two soldiers?”

“Understood,” Earl said. “Let’s focus on getting out of the forest first, and then figure something out. Lafe just wrote German soil, which doesn’t mean it has to be from Germany. I’d hate to lose everything because we only focused on his promise. France is now German soil. Let’s see how we do and then determine if getting to Germany is even possible.”

“I can get behind that.”

“We need supplies. Weapons. Water.”

“We can find all of that.”

“I need at least a new shirt. But a pair of socks would be wonderful too.”

“We’ll figure that out too,” I said, smiling.

“Last, I want to add my own promise.”

“Anything.”

He removed a crumpled envelope that was tucked in his shirt pocket. “The water washed away the ink, but the promise remains.”

“What’s the promise?”

“I’ve read my letter over and over to the point of memory.”

“Then read it to me.”

Earl unfolded the paper and handed it to me. The paper was smudged with streaks of black ink.

“You’ve received this letter because I didn’t make it,” Earl said. “I am sorry that this is the last thing you will have to remember me. I wanted nothing more than to come home. I miss you both. I miss teaching. I miss the headaches of life that really don’t seem like headaches anymore.

“Arlene, I want you to celebrate the rest of your life. Live it as much as you can. Find new friends. Work at a job that satisfies your dreams. Do anything and everything that you can to make your life happy. Learn to drive. Move somewhere that gets cold in the winters. Travel to places unaffected by this damn war. Coach Junior’s baseball team. Go back to school and get a master’s degree. Learn to cook an amazing new dish. Do whatever takes your mind off me. Live unaffected.

“There is only one thing that I want you to do for the remainder of your life as a promise to me. It’s a terribly difficult request but satisfying, nonetheless. It will require that you stop at certain points in your life to think and then do. I hope it is not too much to ask. It is something that will make me smile down from heaven if you do this one thing for me for the rest of your life.

“Ready?

“I want your fullest attention.

“This is not a promise to take lightly.

“When you are done using a blanket, whether in the living room or bedroom, please fold it up and put it away.

“Finding blankets left in piles all over the house drove me crazy. How hard is it to fold up when done?

“We don’t have that problem in the service. Everyone’s bed and gear must be meticulously organized and kept. Every morning, I was reminded of you when I had to make my bed. When I got to the blanket, I thought of you. It’s little moments like these when home truly hurts in a soldier’s mind. One makes his bed and then must march for hours immediately after. What else can one think about when marching other than how his wife never folded the blanket. What’s funny, is that now that I think about it, I would give anything to find a blanket thrown onto the couch. There were times when I would pick one up to fold and I could still feel the warmth of your presence on it.

“Dearest Arlene, I adore you and every minute that I had with you. While our time may be up now, I will wait for you outside the gates of heaven until it is your turn. I will keep watch over you. I’ll be your guardian angel. Take your time. Enjoy your life. Always remember me.”

The fire crackled when Earl finished. I was about to say something when he held up a finger and continued.

“Now to junior.

“I’ve done some exciting things in the service. I’ve seen and touched several tanks. I tell the men that drive them that my son would be so excited to meet them. All are impressed that you want to drive a tank someday. You can’t be tall like your father if you want to drive one. I peeked inside one and there is no room.

“You’d be amazed with what it feels like when a tank shoots its canon. It’s loud and shakes your insides. We had a live fire training with the tanks and targets all around us. Every time a tank fired its canon, my heart and lungs bounced around inside my chest!

“I would be proud if you joined the service, but I would also be proud if you found something else to do with your life.

“My boy. My wonderful boy. You have a lot of responsibility now that I am gone. When you are young, the best thing you can do is listen. Listen and do whatever your mother asks of you. Don’t talk back. Don’t whine. Be a soldier like your father and hop to it when she gives an order.

“I’m sorry that I must make you grow up quicker than you should. No eight-year-old boy should have to go through the pain and responsibility I have put you through. Just know that I joined the service to make sure that you would remain free. It’s a difficult thing to understand at eight, but just know that I did this for your future.

“I told your mother that she should live her life and enjoy it. I want you to do the same. Enjoy your baseball games to the fullest. There are kids around the world who cannot play baseball, but you can! Play outside whenever it is nice. Read a lot. Dig holes. Collect bugs. Get dirty! Do whatever you can to explore the world around you. The woods near the house has hundreds if not thousands of adventures you can pursue.

“Have fun, but also focus on your schooling and always do your best. School may not be the most fun at times. There are teachers that you will love and those that you cannot stand to be around. Regardless of what you think of them, always listen. Every teacher has important wisdom to share. Often, the times you learn most from them are not during class or on a specific lesson. Before you know it, you’ll be out of school and entering life as an adult. It is this wisdom you will take with the rest of your life.

“I want you to make a promise to me. This is one that I am sure you can keep.

“Always take care of your mother.

“This will be easy when you are a child. Little boys cling to their mothers when they are young.

“This promise will get harder when you get older. You will make friends and will want to spend time with them. Go out and have fun, but make sure you always come home and cherish your mother. She will always be there for you. You need to be there for her.

“I truly miss you both. I’ll keep watch over you from heaven. If you happen to find a feather or two through your life, it may be from my angel wings when I flew too close.

“Take care of one another. Be happy.

“Love, Earl.”

He wiped his eyes and looked away. “If anything happens to me, now you know my promise.”