Behavior Report 20

Dearest Love,

I redoubled my efforts to get free. The light in the tunnel grew slowly and almost felt as if it wasn’t moving at all. I didn’t care about the pain from the braids rubbing. My shirt provided just enough protection that my skin wasn’t worn raw. I worked my legs into a crouch and pushed up, hoping to slide off the stone, but the rope held. Then I began a wild dance of shimmying and pushing like a leaf caught in a tornado.

“The light you see is in her chest,” Alek said. “That’s love. Love of the forest. Love of what she’s created. Great love. The best love.”

The flame barely lit the depths of the cave. All that was visible was the core of the light, like the headlight of a locomotive chugging through a tunnel. As the light grew, so too did my efforts.  

“Your time is now. Your sacrifice will be praised.” Alek’s pupils were hollow and black and seemed as if I could look directly into his thoughts where nothing existed. He was acting on instinct now. His movements were methodical, planned. He dropped the sword and walked patiently to a spot some distance away behind several stalagmites. All I could see was the top of his head when he settled in.

My Love, I knew that my only hope for survival was whatever I did for myself. No one else could help. But no amount of twisting and fighting loosened the rope’s grip on the stone. The rush of the underground river covered any sounds the monster may have made, leaving me with only my imagination and the debris of previous victims to fill in all the blanks. I envisioned the monster trampling on my things, crushing the pack of letters, snapping my rifle in two. I cringed at the idea of being crushed between massive teeth. Nevertheless, I continued to fight the rope.

“Act like you’re already dead,” a voice said from behind. “Maybe it’ll only eat things that are alive or maybe it’ll think you’re part of the leftovers here.”

I stopped struggling for a moment and found Russel, book in hand, and an apprehensive look on his face. “Really?”

“Sometimes, brute force is not the answer. Think about it. If this monster is truly what that maniac is saying it is, then it’s looking for a meal to satisfy its natural desires to hunt. Does a cat chase after a dead mouse? No. It’s only when the mouse runs that the cat is interested. Play dead.”

“What happens when the monster leaves and Frank’s left with the maniac wielding a sword?” Lieutenant Talbott said, appearing from behind one of the stalagmites.

“That’s a different fight, different battle,” Russel replied. “You could keep fighting to break yourself free. But my guess is that once that monster starts to run, you’ll have no chance of beating it in a race. Better to play dead and then deal with the maniac when the monster leaves. Who knows, maybe the monster will go after the maniac instead?”

“I appreciate the ideas,” I said. “But this is it. This is the end. I can’t get free. Playing dead doesn’t seem like it will work and even if it did work, Alek is just going to kill me anyway.” I sighed and then said, “I’ve failed.” I felt as if the wind was knocked out of me.  

“What?” Lieutenant Talbott yelled. If he could have slapped me, he would have. “What are you talking about? You’ve barely started and you’re already giving up? Buck up private! Clear your mind of this garbage and get your head on straight.”

“I’ve done nothing but get myself into greater trouble since you all were killed.” I let those words sink in before I said, “I was never meant to be a soldier. I’m a fool. I’m yellow. This is a fitting end for me.”

The boys’ shoulders dropped as if a puppeteer had cut their strings.

“You won’t even try?” Lieutenant Talbott said.

“Why bother?” I said, softly.

“There are ten men who are relying on you to give our families one last memory. We didn’t choose you, but we are depending on you to fulfill our promises.” Lieutenant Talbott kneeled in front of me. “Doesn’t that motivate you enough to at least make an attempt to saving your life?”

“I haven’t even shot my rifle once.”

“So, what. Keep pushing forward. Isn’t that what you used to tell yourself?”

The flame appeared over his shoulder and seemed a little larger than before.

“I know what you are doing,” I continued, “But it isn’t going to help. I’m done. I give up. I haven’t done one thing right this entire time. I am not the man our squad needs to get the job done.”

Lieutenant Talbott stared at me, blankly, lost for words. Russel looked away, shaking his head in disgust. Neither had anything more to say. I had nothing more to say. Courage lost me somewhere on the surface, maybe when I was surrounded by buffalo monsters. I wasn’t scared either. I was just present. The two soldiers began to fade away.

I didn’t think about praying. I didn’t think about death or those who proceeded me. I thought of you, My Love. This will sound terribly selfish, but I began to consider what you would do without me. Not in the sense that you cannot live your life without my presence. I am not that selfish. I thought about what you would do with the rest of your life after the grieving was done. Some women bounce back immediately and find someone new. Others take longer. I thought about you with someone else and it hurt me to think about that. I couldn’t picture you with your arms linked with another man without feeling sick to my stomach. It hurt even more imagining Junior playing catch with another man. For as sick as I felt, I also figured that it would not be fair to you to be all alone for the rest of your life. It would not be fair to you or Junior.

I want you to be happy.

This is the only truth that I know.

The light from the monster was growing large enough to see that it was an actual flame. The heart burned reddish orange that reached out into golden yellow fingers that barely spread their light into the shadows in the cave. Nothing but the flame was visible, which only led to more guessing as to the monster’s size and shape. Part of me envisioned some sort of greasy alligator type thing and another part thought of a furry creature with horns.

Alek remained hidden behind the stone, apparently a master of hiding in one place for a long period of time. He never seemed to shift positions. All that I could see was the top of his head peering over the edge and that never moved, not once.

My Love, this may sound awfully strange, but the wait was killing me. The little flame moved about the darkness with about as much speed as a snail. My imagination took off and began creating all sorts of different outcomes. Could I agitate the monster enough where it would try swiping at me with its claws and cut the rope instead? Would it only bite the stone, cutting the rope and free me? Had anyone ever tried screaming at the monster or did they all just cower? Maybe if I yelled a lot? Maybe yelling would make the monster move a little faster and end this waiting? Or maybe yelling would scare it away?

“Would you hurry up?” I yelled as loud as I could.

No response from the flame.

“I said, would you hurry up!” My voice cracked from the stress.

This time, the flame stopped moving and waited for the briefest moment. I didn’t know whether I scared it or seduced it.

“There you go. Now come on!”

I wished my hands were free, so I could grab the sword Alek used and bang it against the stone. Now, I understand the irony, but one can only taunt a monster with so many words. Surplis or Bob may have known a million different ways to make someone mad because they lived in Chicago and New York where that is something that comes second nature to them. But I didn’t grow up like that. We didn’t insult trees or crops or anything for that matter. So, what’s a guy to do when he doesn’t know what to say?

He sings.

What does he sing?

The one song that has been repeated ad nauseum in his life over the past several months.

I took a deep breath and then let the words roll out.

“Over hill, over dale,

we will hit the dusty trail

and the caissons go rolling along.

In and out, hear them shout

counter march and right about,

and the caissons go rolling along.

Then it’s Hi! Hi! Hee! in the field artillery

Shout out your numbers loud and strong.

For where’er you go, you will always know,

that the caissons are rolling along.”

Some lyrics, like “Hi! Hi! Hee!” and “Caissons,” may have been shouted with more exuberance than I anticipated. If you must go, why not go in style? I can joke about it now as I write this but at the time it was quite difficult to sing knowing that I was attempting to draw in a monster.

When I finished the last of the lyrics, I started over again, half humming, half singing. Between some of the breaks, I included, “Come and get me you filthy monster” or “Would you hurry up?” I sang a little louder each time I repeated the song until I was practically shouting. The cave walls swallowed the sound. I hoped that it would echo down through the shadows.

“Come and eat me you dirty rotten no good piece of trash.”

Between the singing and yelling, I was completely out of breath. But it worked. My voice appeared to carry over the running waters and reach the monster because the flame stopped. What was strange was that it almost seemed like the monster responded. I couldn’t hear anything over the water currents. But occasionally, I heard something that sounded like a voice and not just an echo of mine.

After a moment, the flame dropped and then began to move quickly in circles. It grew and grew after the completion of each round of circles. Eventually the flame began bobbing up and down at a rate that snuffed out the yellow fingers. All that remained was the reddish orange core.

The way Alek described the monster made it seem like an impressively large beast that would barely fit within the confines of the cave walls. I assumed that there would be glowing eyes, or the sound of stalactites being sheared off as it loomed closer. At some point, I figured that there would be splashing and crashing against the river current. Maybe there would be a rumble from the growl of the monster that bounced off the walls and sent lose stone on the roof of the cave to the floor. There had to be a smell, like the buffalo monsters that reeked of dead, rotting flesh and maggots. One would think that there would be something of note but there was none, and the flame grew quite unimpressively.

Alek still didn’t move. He was content to watch.

“Alek,” I said. “Alek, why do you do this? I have done nothing to hurt this forest.”

He was unmoved by my final attempt at redemption, for salvation.

“Please. Have mercy. You can come with me, and we’ll walk back to shore where everyone is.”

I turned my attention to the flame which again had stopped. It was becoming clear that my voice was affecting the monster. Each time that I spoke or sang it stopped.

“The service would welcome you back as a hero. They’d feed you. They’ll get you new clothes. The papers would all write about you as the man we thought we lost. You’d become famous.”

Alek didn’t move. I thought that I could appeal to his pride because most people want to become famous these days, but my attempt at reaching his vanity failed. I tried to find his mercy through my family and failed, so my last stand was to talk about his family.

“If we leave right now and head back, you’d get to see your mother and father again.”

I hit a nerve. Alek moved.

“Think about it. Wrapping your arms around your mother again. Seeing your father. It would all happen if we go, now.”

Alek jumped from his position, his cloak swept into the air and collected behind his back. He began walking toward me. I couldn’t see the expression on his face, but his anger was evident. Both hands were fashioned into fists.

“Your precious mother. Think of how she’s been tormented all these years, wondering what happened to you,” I said. “You have the power to make her remaining years on this planet filled with joy.”

The luminous plants lit Alek’s tormented face when he was only a few feet away from me. All the wrinkles on his forehead were drawn to a furious collision. He breathed heavily through his teeth much like the buffalo monsters but with less drooling.

“You leave them out of this,” Alek said.

“Wouldn’t you want to see your family again?”

He picked up the sword and swayed back and forth as if readying himself to strike me. From behind, I saw the flame drop into the water and snuff out. I didn’t have time to pay any mind to the flame because of Alek.

“I should wait for her to take care of you,” Alek said while pointing to where the flame once was, “but you have been nothing but trouble.”

Alek seethed as he spoke. Bits of spit collected on his overgrown beard.

The sound of splashing formed in the tunnel beyond where the monster traveled, but not the sound of something large. Alek raised sword over his head, ready to strike me down.

“You will bring balance back to me!” He shouted.

His arms reached back. The sword’s edge caught and reflected the sheen from the luminous plants. He took a step forward. I closed my eyes and accepted my fate. I waited for the blow. I waited for the pain to come searing down. 

What followed was a loud crack that echoed against the cave walls. I braced for the impact as much as I could while tied up. I figured that the sound was from the sword cutting and breaking through my collar bone or skull. I waited for the pain to appear. You always hear things about how people don’t feel pain from a bad accident until they see themselves hurt.

I opened my eyes to find Alek stumbling with the sword still overhead. Blood poured through his chest at an unstoppable rate. He gurgled when he tried to breathe. Alek dropped the sword and fell beside it.

Small patters in the water continued to move closer and closer until I began to see tiny light refractions collect upon the being. I saw the muzzle of a Kraut rifle. Shadow and darkness covered the rifle bearer.

My heart dropped.

‘Saved from one monster by another,’ I thought through a sigh.

“Hello?” I said.

The being lowered the rifle and stepped forward. Light gathered upon the legs, then the arms, and then finally the face.

“Earl?”