Behavior Report 19

Dearest Love,

I don’t know what felt worse underneath that leaf – knowing that death was near or that I failed everyone. Deep down I knew which was worse. They surrounded me. Six buffalo beasts, all stepped cautiously closer with swords and spears at the ready. Grunting. Purring. Mucus dripping from their snouts. And all I could think about was the letters and how they would be forever lost underneath this cave within a leaf.

My rifle was lost somewhere within the shadows, leaving me with only my trenching tool as a weapon. I quickly slid it out from the base of my pack and held it out as a sword and shield all in one. The buffalo beasts didn’t seem to fear me. They continued to collapse their circle. I stood up and swung at the closest monster.

“Get away! Go!”

One of the beasts thrusted its spear and I parried by knocking it away. But then I felt the poke of another spear just beneath my ribs. I turned and swung, simultaneously pulling the tip from my side, and connecting the edge of the shovel upon the buffalo monster’s arm. I swung back the other way and missed connecting with anything. The blunt end of a spear caught the side of my face. Stars formed along the edges of my vision.

They gathered closer and closer. There was nothing I could do.

Then, a voice yelled from somewhere within the darkness, “Enough!”

The buffalo beasts stopped and stepped backward. Warmth gathered about my side where the spear entered. My hand came back bloodied. The wound hurt but wasn’t deep.

Alek walked into the sunlight.

“What were you doing?” His tone rose with every word as if he was hurt. “I thought we had something, something special, very special.”

I dropped to a knee from the pain in my side.

“Why don’t you trust me.” Alek continued. “I thought you did. I must be wrong? Normally, I’m never wrong. I can see things. Yes. I see things better than most people.” He reached out and dragged his hand over the nearest buffalo monster’s fur as if he were petting it. The more he talked, the harder he petted the beast. “Didn’t we talk this out? I could have helped you. We could have had a wonderful time together, the most wonderful time. You’d get your promises figured out and I would have your friendship. I feel awful, really awful. I know we haven’t spent much time together, but I was thinking that you were going to be my,” he paused and then said, “successor.”

“Successor?” The word blurted out of me.

“Yes. Yes, successor. I took over for my successor. You could do the same for me. But it all relies on trust. It seems like trust is not the same thing when I was younger. It’s different, very different. No wonder there’s still a war going on.”

My side began to scream. Pain pulsated from the wound like a fire spreading into other parts of my body. Tendrils of agony reached into my back along my spine and between my ribs. I couldn’t respond to Alek because the pain was too much.

“Trust is so important. Without trust, you can’t believe in anything or anyone. Trust is something that I cannot count on with you.” Alek stepped closer to me and gathered my chin in his hand. “Now, you will be what helps balance the forest.” The Devil’s fire burned within his eyes. “Yes, not a successor but a sacrifice. Your role is to balance the forest.”

I struggled to collect enough of a breath to form the words my brain wanted to say. My lips felt as if they were swollen and numb and unable to move. I pushed myself to speak, “Balance?”

“The forest hungers for life. You can fulfill it with yours.”

I blinked and then saw everyone from the squad standing behind Alek. Their heads were bowed. With my last bit of strength, I raised my trenching tool to strike Alek, but he simply reached out and took my arm. He smiled and then whistled.

Instantly, a buffalo monster came charging on my left. I didn’t have time to react. Its armored forehead slammed into me like the rock that collapsed the Kraut plane from the sky. Everything went dark.

Coming to was painful. Every heartbeat sent throbbing waves of aches from my head where the buffalo monster hit. My wound felt worse. I don’t know how to explain it, but instead of a sharp shooting pain, my wound was now giving me the sensation that it had been stretched and torn further, almost as if I had been moved.

“Drink this.”

A cup was held to my lips and cool water poured before I could react. I swallowed eagerly, not knowing my own thirst. Each gulp felt like a healing hand washing away my pain. My Love, the strangest sensation tingled through me, like a shiver and almost instantly, all my pain was gone.

“Feeling better?” Alek yelled.

“Where … Where am I?”

“Take a look for yourself.”

I opened my eyes to a lucid darkness. Shapes and shadows began to fill in like a developing dream. That which was closest gained the most definition. I sat upon gravel that pricked my underside. Further out, sharp stalagmites rose from the ground and spindly stalactites hung above like vicious teeth that could clamp down at any moment. Anything beyond my immediate vision was blocked by a reddish fog that floated about. Constant noise, like the static of a radio between stations, echoed and bounced and rolled about the space at a volume loud enough to drown a whisper. The air was heavy and wet. Goosebumps covered my skin.

Panic set in when I found that I was tied up to a rock by a thick rope. Struggling only made the rope dig in further. I yelled, “What is this place? What are you doing?”

“We are in Hel’s realm,” Alek said with a steady voice.

“Hell?”

Alek leaned in next to my ear, “No. The is home to Hel. You will see her soon. Very soon.” He stepped back and raised his arms up excitedly. “Look to your left and you’ll see a thousand glowing flowers powered by the water that just healed you. Look to your right and you’ll see the bones of those who sacrificed their souls to keep Hel happy.”

Clarity set in and I connected the constant sound to a wide rolling river that splashed upon stones and rocks that had fallen in. Glowing blue flowers grew along the shores in thick bunches. Their petals gave off an azure iridescence that lit up the cave and gave a ghostly presence to the piles of bones on my right. Some were human-sized while others were big enough for a large monster.  

“Hel’s realm?” I said.

“Yes! Can’t you feel the power here? Great power.”

The river flowed from a cave ahead where bones, frayed rope, ripped clothes, and shoes littered the ground. Amidst it all was a rock, about to the size of the one I was tied against, that still had loose braided rope piled along its base. My things were laid out on the ground in front of me in an arching array much like an offering.

Alek moved through my things with exaggerated steps and then to the edge of the river. “You don’t understand the honor that has been bestowed upon you. We are in the heart of the forest, the very heart. This river, yes, it is this river that gives everything life. It flows from one side of the forest to the other. It is what gives the Cauchemar Forest its size.” He cupped a handful of water, raising it and letting the liquid trickle through his fingers. As he did so, the skin on his hands glowed like the plants along the shore. Alek took another palm full and brought it to me. Wherever the water dripped on the soil, plant buds popped up and formed small leaves. Kneeling beside me, he poured some of the water on the back of his free hand. The skin stretched smoothly and became youthful.

“Giver of life. Great life. Great giver. The very best giver of life. All that you see in the forest above is made by this water. The trees grow to be big, very big because of the water. The rocks come to life because of this water.” Alek stood, raised his arms, and yelled, “I am living because of this water!”

Alek hunched back over to speak to me in low voice. “But to give life, it must take life, and you, my friend, will be the one that balances the forest once again.”

No words came in reply. What could they have done? My attention turned towards my things, primarily my pack and the letters. I thought, ‘The letters will just lay here like everything else. Gone. Memories lost. Words that will never see the sunlight again.’

Alek continued to whisper; his breath smelled like a rotting animal. “There’s nothing you can do now but wait. Yes. Wait for your fate to arrive. Yes. Look down the cave where your fate awaits. Watch. You’ll know when it comes. You won’t miss it. I promise you.” He walked behind the rock. “First, you’ll see a faint light. Just a little light. Small, a very small light. But then it will grow bigger and bigger. It’s so dark in the cave that you only see the light and not what’s behind it. That’s not the best part. When it sees you, it stops. It watches you for a long time, a very long time, longer than you’ll ever want. It comes so slowly that you’ll want to die from the fear once you see it for the first time.

“She is our mother. She is the mother of this underworld and that from above. Yes. Our mother. Our giver. I please her with offerings. All that you see in front of you is what I brought her to keep her happy.

“What I bring her keeps her from coming up to the surface.” Alek continued. “It’s a balance that only I am smart enough to provide. Only me. She stays happy, the surface stays safe.”

I looked toward the darkness where Alek pointed. Several crushed Kraut helmets caught my eye. Rifle stocks were broken in two. Whatever Hel was, I didn’t want to meet it.

“Her claws are bigger than you. Much bigger. One swipe and she can tear down one of those trees above.” He paused a moment and then spoke quickly when it seemed like another thought came to his mind. “That mountain you saw, you remember? The mountain that knocked down that plane. Remember? That mountain fears her.” He drew out the word “fear” by holding the “r” sound.

“Your death will not be swift, however. No, not quick at all. Slow. Very slow. Her teeth will not cut you. Her teeth will crush you.” Alek walked around me to the debris scattered across the floor. “Painful it will be. Very painful. I do not long to be you.” His eye caught something, and he reached down with a grunt. “Here we are.” Alek stood up again and picked up a sword from the ground. He raised it in front of him with both hands. The steel caught the azure glow of the flowers and almost appeared to light up.

Suddenly, Alek swung around, slamming the sword into the nearest stalagmite. For a moment, the static sound of the river was overwhelmed by the ringing of steel striking stone. I felt it in my teeth. Shivers ran through my soul. The strangest part of it all was that the stalagmite was cut in half with a molten orange accent.

“That is how I call her,” Alek said, once the echoing finished.

“Please let me go.” I said. “I have a wife and a son who need me.”

His brushy eyebrows pointed upward and crashed together. “A son? What is your son’s name?”

“He has my name.”

Alek tossed the sword and walked back to me. “Poor kid. He’s going to miss you.” He smiled. “He’s going to miss his father.”

“You–”

He interrupted. “You still have a chance. Join me. We can protect the forest together.”

“I’ve failed.” I spoke quietly, more to myself, as if a thought snuck out.

“What?”

My head dropped and I stared at my pack laying on the ground only a few feet away. What a metaphor for my life. So many things were within reach but just far enough away that I couldn’t do anything about them. Or was it because I didn’t reach? My Love, I know that I always took the easier route, the worn path. I never did like turning toward the path less taken. Yet, tied to a rock and waiting for a monster to come and eat me felt like a path less taken. The first sign of trouble was always my undoing. I’d fall back for protection, lean up against a trench wall, run away.

“What did you say?” Alek insisted.

“Nothing. Nothing for you.”

Every muscle in my body wanted to break free, take the sword, and slice Alek in half like he did to the stalagmite. I wondered if the sword would leave a glowing edge on Alek’s torso. Honestly, I may have thought about that a little more than a normal person should. But then in an instant, I stopped. I was dreaming. Dreaming of things that I knew I could never do instead of working out a solution on what I should do.

The rope was too strong.

I couldn’t get out no matter how hard I tried.

“Have I really tried?” I said.

“What?”

I started to slide back and forth an inch or two or whatever the rope allowed. ‘Maybe I could work it up the stone and slide it off.’ I was so set on feeling down on myself that I realized that I never tried to free myself. My Love, I instantly gave up. I came to and began singing my swan song. Those letters in my pack required more of me. I owed those boys more. Each shift one way led to a centimeter more the other way. It may have been all in my head, but I could feel the rope loosen.

Alek began to laugh. “You’re not getting out of that. I’ve tied it too tight. Very tight. That’s the tightest knot you will ever see, my friend. You’re only way out is either by joining me or inside the belly of Hel.” He turned to look down the cave where the monster was to appear. “She should be coming soon. Very soon. Make your choice.”

I couldn’t join him. That would be the easier path. Instead, I kept working at the rope. My rifle was one leap away. If I could work the rope just loose enough to slide up and off the stone, I could lunge forward, grab my rifle, and fire before Alek could respond. That was my only hope. Pain cut into my shoulders and arms where the rope dug in with each shift. I pushed up, testing for the moment that I could break free.

Alek’s attention came back to me, and he watched my struggle. An eyebrow raised, which appeared to be a sign of worry. He picked up the sword again and began to walk toward me. Fire burned in his eyes.

I fought harder against the ropes. My imagination began to run with ideas of what Alek was planning to do. I pushed and pulled and shook back and forth with urgency. Every movement felt as if I was breaking a little freer.

Then, something caught my eye. A light, faint, and flickering appeared in the center of the cave before me. Darkness held the light, preventing any of its tendrils to land upon the walls.

Alek followed my gaze. “She comes!”