Behavior Report 24

Dearest Love,

We found a way out! Joy of joy. Hope of hope. Our first success was finally achieved. To refresh your memory from the last letter, Earl and I were looking for a way out of the caves underneath the Cauchemar Forest. We entered a branching cave, a small one, that twisted and turned, and led us to a frightful rumbling. We pressed on and realized the sound was from a thunderstorm outside. Outside!

Earl hugged me and then took off running, careless of the dark.

Lightning struck several times as if someone was flicking a light switch on and off. Each burst illuminated the cave entrance. Our path was clear except for two stalagmites that stood like fangs near the opening.

I aimed the sword’s reflective beam in front of my friend to light his way. He still stumbled and laughed and ran with his arms outstretched like a soldier who’s just come home from a war to hug his wife. From my point of view, the outside was not an improvement, but to Earl, it must have been a sign, a return to normalcy, albeit a strange normalcy.

That got me thinking that there had to be something more to Earl’s story that he hadn’t told me. How could a forest with trees the size of skyscrapers and predators as big as buses be an improvement?

Just when he was about twenty feet from the cave entrance, Earl tripped and fell with an echoing yell. Lightning struck, exposing two geysers of dust shooting up from the stalagmites with an impressive hiss of air. Arms broke free from the sides with a deafening crack, followed by legs that unfolded and raised the stones. The stalagmites turned around to reveal a face just below their pointy tips.

Before I could react, an amazing volley of metallic clacking bursts filled the cave. Red and orange flames spit from Earl’s Schmeisser as he waved his weapon back and forth, spraying bullets at one stone creature and then the other. His finger held the trigger back without pausing. Sparks danced upon the stalagmite creatures with no effect. The bullets bounced off and ricocheted all over the cave knocking chips of stone from the walls and kicking up dirt. I dove and used my sword for protection.   

“Stop shooting!” I yelled.

My voice was lost in the clangor. Through fate or physics or geometry, I was in the exact spot where the bullets ended up after hitting the stone creatures. Ricocheting bits of leads twanged on the walls about me, sending up sparks. I felt the ground near my legs and waist pop.

“Crawl! Move!” A voice yelled inside my head. The cave floor was a mix of sharp stones and a sludge that smelled of feces that clung to my body.

Earl screamed louder than his Schmeisser. He stayed on the ground and continued to spray back and forth until, fortunately or unfortunately, depending on your perspective, the Schmeisser stopped firing. The screaming and firing may have ended but the ringing in my ears continued long after. I looked to confirm that Earl wasn’t reloading. His head had dropped to the floor and he began to cry.

My attention turned back to the stalagmite creatures who continued to move slowly, exaggerated, and stiffly towards Earl. Their steps sounded like rocks tumbling down a cliff. I bounded up to get to Earl before they did. Frankly, by the speed at which they moved, I had time to make myself a meal, wash my clothes, read a manual on how to drive a Sherman tank, and spend a forty-eight-hour pass in Paris before the stone creatures were close enough to be of any concern.

My sword readied, I aimed the light beam to get a better look. Lichen grew like hair on their heads, peppering their jawlines and foreheads with bristly green patterns. They groaned as the moved. A single step resulted in hundreds of cracks and creaks and pebbles dropping to the ground. Chips of chert and puffs of dust expressed from their knees and elbows.

‘We can run past them,’ I thought. ‘They wouldn’t get a handout to grab us until we were half-way home.’

Their mouths began to open and close as if warming up their jaws to begin chewing us when the battle was done. I shined the beam inside one of their mouths to find broken and worn teeth. That was plenty of evidence to allow painfully bad thoughts to enter my mind.

I shivered.

Earl clung to the ground with an impossibly strong grip. I tried to pick him up, but he wouldn’t budge. I then searched the stalagmite creatures for any vulnerabilities. Their legs and arms were covered with straight sheets of stone, fitted like shields. Their shoulders were rounded and dull, perfect for smashing and crushing a victim. Their heads came to a point, like a spear. Only their bellies seemed like a viable spot to attack.

I shifted my grip upon the sword while the monsters moved towards us. ‘I hope you can swipe through these stones like you did with the monster’s skull,’ I thought. Something sparked inside my head. ‘Wait! Alek caught the attention of that monster by cutting through a stalagmite!’

The stalagmite on the left was slightly closer to me than the other. I ran up and swung as hard as I could. I missed the spot that I planned to hit, but I still drove the blade into its shoulder. My sword slid through like a hot knife to butter, and the monster’s arm dropped. The limb crumbled to pieces as soon as it hit the ground. I spun around and swung the blade at the other arm. That too fell quickly and easily. Each contact sent a song into the air like a church choir belting out the final note of an Easter hymn.

Confidence reigned high in me. I decided to kick the stalamite onto its back for the final fatal blow. My right foot found its chest and pushed as hard as possible, but instead of the monster falling over, I was the one sent to the ground in the opposite direction. I quickly recovered and then ran back with a thrust toward the belly. Whether it was the force of my charge or the strength of the blade, the sword cut right through. The stalagmite fell apart into boulders and stones. I copied the same moves against the other stalagmite and a second pile of boulders crumbled at my feet.

My Love, I couldn’t help but smile. ‘Frank Kaplan, the monster slayer.’

I picked up Earl and showed him the results. He shook his head in disbelief and then looked at me in disgust. “You need a bath,” he said, while scooping a handful of cave floor from my shirt.

“Hate to break it to you, but you could use one yourself.”

I sheathed my sword, picked up the Schmeisser, and helped Earl out of the cave and into the rain. Thunder rumbled along the sky like a passing truck. We could hear the rain but felt nothing as the canopy of house sized leaves blocked the water from ever reaching us. I was fine with that. There’s no telling what a single drop of rain could do to a man in the Cauchemar Forest.

“Let’s find a spot to recoup, eat something, and then head out?” I said.

We began walking in no particular direction. The rain provided a steady drum beat for our march. Sharp thunder cracks added a little pep in our step. We heard massively large splashes from time to time and I could never figure out why until I saw a waterfall cascade to the forest floor.

“I have an idea.” I said. “The rain is collecting on the leaves. Each drop adds a little more weight, causing the leaf to droop until … splash … the leaf empties everything out in one big splash.”

We found a weed the size of a normal tree back home and stood underneath the tip of one of its leaves.

“Can you try to pull it down so the water splashes on me?” I said.

Earl leapt up to grab the leaf and dipped the tip just far enough to release all the water. The resulting shower was simultaneously the most satisfying and worst bathing experience in my life. The cave muck rinsed away along with every ounce of warmth.

Earl took a deep sniff of me and smiled. “Much better. Now my turn.”

Shortly after, we climbed a tree that offered a nice dry spot protected from any breeze or unwanted splashes. We picked off stick-sized pieces from the bark to build a fire. I stood as close to the flames as I could and slowly spun myself around as if I were dinner on a spit. Earl hunkered in a spot against the tree trunk and relaxed. 

We enjoyed the storm’s soundtrack for quite some time. The insistent tapping was marred by an occasional rumble. I thought of Junior and his fear of thunderstorms. I remembered how you always told him that thunder and lightning was God playing baseball in heaven. I longed for the caring embrace you provided him in those moments. The warmth. The pressure. I would have given anything in that moment to be in your arms and Junior’s, having you both comfort me.

Earl appeared to be comfortable. He leaned his head against the tree and shut his eyes, but he never let go of his Schmeisser. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that the magazine was still empty. I wanted to swim in his thoughts to understand what was going on.

‘Something’s changed him,’ I thought. ‘His confidence is gone. He’s more Frank Kaplan than Earl Stevens.’

I took out some rations to share and said, “Care to finish your story over a meal?”

Earl sat up and said, “Sure. What’s on the menu?”

I twisted the can in an exaggerated manner. “Perfectly cooked steak and lobster. Asparagus and mashed potatoes on the side.”

“Sounds delicious.”

“Why don’t you start back up on your story while I open this can of cackle fruit. Want me to warm it up?”

“Sure.”

I cut open the top of the can and left the lid on to cover the egg concoction while it cooked. Then I pulled some coals from the fire and set the can directly on them. Earl began his story while I prepped everything.

“Where was I?” He said. “Oh, the “alter man” and the mountain, right?”

“That sounds about right.”

“Okay. So, the Krauts led me for several days through this forest. At night, they built massive fires with no concern about signaling any planes overhead. I didn’t know this at the time, but I believe they built the fires as big as they did to ward off the monsters because those boys seemed really scared.” He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. A blankness clouded his eyes as he lost himself in a thought. “Our last night was something I’ll never forget. They practically built a log cabin to burn where the flames were maybe ten feet high. They tied my legs and hands so I couldn’t run and put me into the crux of a tree root. What happened next was –”

A roll of thunder rumbled between the trees. Earl’s bottom lip started to quiver. His voice turned to a whisper. “That tree is what saved me.” He wiped his eyes and then continued. “The Krauts were all by the flames, standing, talking. I couldn’t sleep. The firelight was brilliant, almost hurt your eyes to look at it. And the Krauts kept feeding it to keep it blazing.” Earl leaned toward me. “Then, out of nowhere, this dog jumps out onto one of the Krauts. But it, it …” 

“It was the size of a bus?”

He nodded. “It … It … It just snapped the closest Kraut. The other two Krauts tried to do something, but the dog just … just … clamped down on them.”

“What did you do?”

“I remained as still as possible. The wolf chewed up each soldier and ate them, helmets, and all.” Earl collapsed unto himself. “It left me alone. The dog left me alone. When it was done with the Krauts, it sniffed around, and then left. I don’t think I breathed. Everything happened in a matter of minutes. The next thing I remember was sunlight. I thought maybe I was dead, but I wasn’t. I crawled along the ground over to where the Krauts were the night before and …” Earl stopped talking, rubbed his face, and then continued. “There was a knife on the ground, and I rolled over to it to cut the rope. It took forever. I kept looking everywhere because I’ve never been that scared before.”

“I think you had a good reason.”

“I picked up a rifle and ran maybe a hundred feet before I tripped and fell through a hole. It was a long drop too. Fortunately, I fell into water. It wasn’t deep, but enough to break my fall and not get hurt. More shocked really.”

“Who wouldn’t be?”

“The moment I stood up I heard this growl.” He paused for a moment. “The cave was huge and dark. The water was a river that cut through the cave and had those glowing plants. There were bones everywhere. And the smell … the smell was terrible. Dead, rotting, that kind of a smell.

“I remember spinning around trying to figure out where the growling was coming from, but the cave was too dark. The plants helped to light up the place, but there were so many small nooks.” Earl’s lip began to quiver again. He looked up toward the sky as if tilting his head back would keep the tears inside.

“It’s okay,” I said. “Take your time.”

“It was like someone turned on a switch. The monster lit up. Its whole body lit up. It moved out of the shadows and toward me slowly. I lost the rifle during the fall so I picked up the largest bone I could find for protection. The beast kept moving right for me. I backed up every time it took a step until I couldn’t and that was when the monster jumped.”

His eyes stared at the base of the fire as if he was using the light to find his way through the shadows in his mind. “It happened so fast. I didn’t have a chance to move. Its jaws closed on either side. It was so tight, so painful. My hand broke first. I felt my legs and thighs shatter.”

“I’m sorry. Say that again?” I said, confused.

“I felt my bones break. The teeth weren’t sharp, they just crushed.” 

“But how?” I was confused as to how he was sitting in front of me.

“The monster shook and then threw me.”

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I think I misheard you. I thought you said your legs were broken.”

“Yes.”

“Then how,” I paused to think. “How are you walking?”

“The next thing I remembered was waking up in the river. I was completely underwater. My head too. What was weird was that I didn’t feel like I was holding my breath. I felt perfectly fine. The current flowed from my head to my feet and felt like it straightened out my body. The pain in my legs lessened over time. My shoulder felt fine.”

“Hang on. Wait. Let me understand this. The monster broke several bones in your body.”

“Yes.”

“Then you find yourself underwater with no concern for breathing and you feel fine?” 

Earl half-heartedly smiled. “Yes.”

“What did you do?”

“I sat up.”

I shook my head in disbelief.

“My legs didn’t hurt. I reached down thinking I would feel the bones in all sorts of positions, but I didn’t. I moved my right leg and when that didn’t hurt, I moved my left. Both were fine. I stood up and felt better than I had in a long time. Like a baptism but rather than wash away my sins, it washed away my pains.”

I was thankful for what the water did to Earl, but I couldn’t understand how it could heal and harm at the same time. The water was blessed and cursed.

“The cave was empty when I stood up,” Earl continued. “I didn’t hear or see the monster, so I started sneaking around, looking for a way out. But before I could take a few steps, the monster roared and charged right for me, all aglow.” He stopped again to stare at the base of our fire. A pattern was forming in Earl’s tale. Whenever something bad was about to happen, he needed to stop, build up a wall to prevent him from crying and then tell me.

“It was too fast. I couldn’t do anything. It crushed me again. This time, my chest felt like it shattered. The pain was excruciating. All the air in my lungs was pushed out and then, I woke up again in the water. Same thing. I didn’t worry about breathing. My chest felt okay. I sat up and felt fine. I don’t know how to explain it. I don’t know if I was dreaming or if I knocked my head too hard when I fell. I … I don’t know.

“The second time, I ran toward the other side of the cave. I ran as fast as I could. But the same thing happened again. The monster was hiding in a shadow and crushed me once again. This time, my entire body was flattened. And again, I awoke in the river.”

“How long did it take for you to wake up? Was it instantaneously or did it take a while?”

 “I don’t know. No way to tell. It was dark. I didn’t have a watch.”

“How many times did this happen?”

“Over and over and over again. I lost count. Each time I tried a different way out but always failed.” Earl exhaled slowly. “Then something just clicked, and I thought, ‘Why not just stay under the water?’ I didn’t need breathe when I was under, so why not use that to my advantage? So, I felt the direction of the current and crawled against it because I figured that would lead me to the high ground out of the cave.”

“Smart thinking,” I said, wondering if I would have the same frame of mind.

“I couldn’t see a thing, but I knew that the current would lead me. And it worked! Felt like I crawled for miles before I decided to stand up. When nothing happened, I just kept walking. At one point, I found a whole store of items. There were knives and torches and even a few Kraut rifles. None of the rifles had ammunition, except one that had one round. The torches were pieces of wood wrapped in some type of sticky cloth. I lit one by chipping a stone against one of the knives. A spark caught flame and then I moved on until I found you. And that’s it.”

I was speechless. What can anyone say in response to a story like that?

Instead, I turned pulling the canned eggs from the fire. When they were ready, I reached out to hand the can to Earl, but he’d fallen asleep.